(I’m slowly going through my LJ and wanting to put some posts from there on here. Not all of them because I’ve had that journal since 2003 and I’m not THAT ambitious. Just some of them.)
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First of all, this entry is protected on my “Super Locked Down” filter. Only a handful of my friends can see this post. So if you can see this, it means I trust you :-).
So I’ve posted here so many times about my ex-boss (who is going to be referred to as Mr. X in this post). I’m pretty sure I’ve also posted about how I have a new job, which I’m absolutely loving.
Some History
I was working at my old office for just under 7 years.
A few years ago, Mr. X’s old clerk received a job offer and told him that she quitting as she received a new job offer. Mr. X bullied her into telling him where she was going and then made her life so difficult at the office, that she basically had to walk out that day. Mr. X also then wrote to her new office and told her soon-to-be-new-boss that if she hired Sarah, he would take the matter up with the Judge as we had two common files with the office that Sarah was going to. At first, the new office refused to bend to his pressure but in the end, they reneged on their job offer to Sarah because it was easier to not have her in her in the office than to deal with Mr. X’s wrath. I think this is ridiculous because in any law office, every employee is under a STRICT code of confidentiality. No good lawyer would want a Law Clerk in their office that would willingly blab the details about a file that does not belong to the office. It’s not professional.
Anyways, when I left my old office, I knew that I couldn’t tell Mr. X the real reason why I was leaving. I was afraid that he would sabotage my new job offer and I wasn’t going to let that happen. I’ve been so unhappy at my old job for such a long time that this new job was my golden ticket out. I’ve spent the better part of two years feeling bullied and belittled. The very thought of going to work made me feel physically sick to my stomach and anxious and I fully contribute a large part of my insomnia, depression and anxiety on the fact that I had to work for him. I needed this new job and hell if I was going to sit back and let him take it from me. So I told Mr. X that I was leaving the field and I had no immediate plans. Now I knew that he would eventually find me but I was hoping that enough time would have passed between jobs that my excuse would have believable. The other part of me just didn’t care whether he found me or not. I was out.
My new boss and I had a nice long discussion about my fears. She fully understands how Mr. X can be. My friend, who also works in my new firm, has told my new boss stories about Mr. X and how he can be so my new boss was aware. I think I surprised her with how afraid I am of Mr. X and she compared it to Mr. X being an abusive husband that I just got away from. In all aspect, she’s right. The relationship is exactly like that. My new boss has told me that my job is not in jeopardy, everyone loves me there and she is not going to allow Mr. X to bully me any more. She says if he raises a stink about it, she is fully prepared to defend me and she told me not to waste any more of my time worrying about him.
It’s finally nice to have that feeling of security you know? It’s nice to know that someone has my back.
Well, shit hit the fan yesterday. One lawyer in my old firm (Ms. S) is sitting as a DRO Judge on Monday at Court and she went up to Court yesterday afternoon to review the files. My new lawyer has a matter up for DRO on Monday. Ms. S saw an Affidavit of Service in my name so she figured out that I am working for this new firm. Of course, she told everyone at my old firm….or one person and the news spread like wildfire as gossip usually does.
This morning, Mr. X sends me a Facebook message (I have never added him to my list and my profile is locked down. I wasn’t even aware that you could send Private Messages without being a friend of the person first) and he basically chewed me out and told me that I was dishonest and that he wasn’t aware that “honesty was such a fleeting trait these days”.
I know I was dishonest when I gave him my resignation. I absolutely hated lying like I did. It’s not who I am. But I couldn’t be honest with him. I couldn’t be honest with him because I knew that he would sabotage me just like he did with Sarah years ago. When we had our talk when I gave my resignation, he said that I was his best employee. There’s no way he would have let me go without making my life difficult. I did more stuff for him at that firm that went above and beyond my job description that I’m sure he realizes how much he’s going to miss having a clerk who knows what they are doing. I don’t know. I know the sole purpose of his comment was to make me feel bad and he totally succeeded. He ruined my day and I hate that I have given him that power to do so. He’s such a toxic person and even now, after having most of the day to process it, I’m still upset. So much so that I’m in tears right now.
He’s just oblivious to the pain that he causes others. I’ve seen him in action over the years and he just doesn’t care. He thinks he’s justified in doing what he does. He treated me like crap last year and he thought nothing of it.
I love my new job. My co-workers are awesome and the other lawyers are terrific. I fit in there and I’ve had no trouble adjusting to my new job. For the first time in a long time, I actually look forward to going to work. I feel like I have a career again and not just some job that sucks all of my energy out of me. For the first time in YEARS, I’ve felt like the black cloud that hovered over me was gone. I’ve been having more good days than bad days with my depression. I’m a lot less anxious. I’ve been sleeping MUCH better than I have in over two years.
*sighs* I’m just really upset right now and I don’t know what to do. I’m sure this is just the start of it too. I’m sure he’s going to stomp his feet and make my new bosses life miserable. He’s Mr. X. He figures he can do anything. It’s ridiculous that I feel this way and it’s ridiculous that I’m scared of him.
I’ve since blocked Mr. X on Facebook. I’ve put all of my old co-workers on a restricted list on FB so they will not see anything that I don’t make public, which I make nothing public. I have to approve someone as a friend before they can see my profile.
I’m trying to think of the positive. I have a new job, which I love. I love my co-workers and things are good. I have to remember that he can’t hurt me any more. There’s nothing that he can do to me.
I hope……..
The World According to Me, Myself and I! 